Reply to "I am a well versed matchmaker but also a Relationship & Life Coach"

Deborah Wilt posted:

Good afternoon Mr. Demario,

I just came across this forum being a fairly new member to the Penny Hoarder community. I thought I'd check in on some advice. Being recently divorced (like Tues.) (he filed bc I left due to verbal/emotional abuse, manipulative, narcissistic etc. etc.) now he wants to "be friends" I've had to block his communication. Any suggestions to get the point across to him since I've already told him I don't want to be friends. 



 Good afternoon Deborah,

 Thanks for reaching out, as this is very common once a relationship ends. It can also lead to additional abuse similar to what you’ve already experienced, as well as lead to more violent outbursts that you may have never seen him capable of doing in the past. As one, or both parties get to actually see how deep and meaningful the relationship impacted the functionality of their everyday life. Some may find it scary in a sense to live a life without the aspects the other person brought to the relationship. 

 With this being said, it is crucial to go into detail the best you can on various things leading up to this point. Such as, but not limiting to, what exactly has he deemed that he wanted to be “friends” for or how did you best interpret this? You stated that you have had to block incoming communications from him, but on what level? Meaning how have you verbally addressed that this is unwanted? What have been his response(s)? What types of communications have you had to block? Based on what you stated I assume he hasn’t stopped trying to communicate with you. If that’s the case, after you’ve blocked him from various ways to contact you, what has he done to ignore your attempts of blocking him and tried to get around being blocked?

 Please feel free to send me a private message if you do not want to post publicly any specific details relating to this matter. As, in addition to the questions I just asked, the more details you can open up about, the better I can offer the proper advice that you are looking for. 

 I do not have the latest statistics in front of me. But a woman or man at the end of their relationship, and following after (with woman having the highest percent) Have the highest percentage for risk of violence from their ex partner. I did not post this to scare you, but only to inform you on always protecting yourself the best way possible. I also do not mean that his additional attempts at contacting you to be “friends” is guaranteed to lead to a violent outcome. As I mentioned previously, once a relationship is over that is when, in a sense, you hit rock bottom on being able to see what truly you have lost and what this means to your current and future life. This adds credibility to the more details you can offer the better I can interpret and analyze the severity of this issue and better offer you the strategy & advice you are seeking to move on with your life as you have been trying to do.

 As I can keep breaking down the various aspects surrounding your situation. I will stop here and wait for your response to the questions I have asked, as well as any additional information you would like to ad. I am sorry for the separation of your relationship as I’m sure that like all of us, the relationship never started out in this direction nor with this end in mind. Even though you stayed strong and made the smart move to better your life, it still can be hard to lose all those years, as well as to look at the road ahead that still has to be written in your life’s story. I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you again for reaching out.

 Mr. Demario