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There have been several great discussions here in the community about the topic of money in relation to relatives.

Today's question comes from a personal lesson that has been difficult to learn.

How much do you trust your family when it comes to finances and specifically your finances?

Do they have your back or are they always trying to take from you or just don't even care?

Up until recently, I would have trusted anyone in my immediate family to have my best interests in mind when it comes to money, that is until one family member racked up a debt in my name to the tune of $30,000 and left it on my shoulders to pay. (Using a credit card they were authorized under as I was trying to help them build credit)

To the rest of my family's credit, they did pitch in to help me cover this (for me) astronomical figure, but up until this point, I would have never thought someone from my own family could do something like this.

This post is not to get people to feel sorry for me, but to see what others perspective is when it comes to your family and your finances.

Have you been burned financially by a family member, and if so, how would you interact with that person moving forward?

If you haven't been burned, how much do you trust your family with finances?

Looking forward to hearing your response!

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Ok, you've been hit hard with a problem, this is not what my original way of saying this was-if you get my drift.  Let me ask you... do you have anything like an email, promissory note, texts, recorded conversation of repayment or obligation of repayment by them? You need documentation!!!!

You ask how would I interact with them? I would do it via text or email, a paper trail. Get them to admit in any way possible what they did was to take advantage of you, admit it was a loan even to the slightest degree. Were there any witnesses to support your transactions who would be willing to make a notarized statement or support you  in a court case? Do you have a lawyer?

Do you have any documentation of their unauthorized transactions or were they all authorized?

From here on in, keep your money in your pocket and your cc locked up. Fool me once...

Ugh, I hate me for having to ask all these questions.

 

 

I do not trust my family with my money. Theyve shown irresponsibility in the past when it comes to making sound decisios regarding money/finacial decisions. I have tried my best to teach my now 21 year old son the importance of being financially literate, hopefully he has listened over the years and I can depend on him to be wise if need be. I learned at an early age how to deal with family regarding money. I watched my mom get burned and taken advantage of financially many times by family, friends and neighbors. I learned first hand how to say NO.

Short answer, @Moore Income: No, I do not trust family members with my money. I have been hit when I was younger but not to the extent of $30K, which is outrageous.

I have stated before on this forum that I would not loan money to anyone (especially without some sort of promissory). If I am able to help, then I give it; if I can't afford to give it, then I don't. The end.

I'm sorry this happened but I really would think about suing that family member (provided you have some sort of proof as suggested by @redcatcec above). Next time if it is family member or anyone else you want to help, a better way would be to give the person the money to load on one of those pre-approved credit cards where you put up a certain amount of money down as a way to help build their credit. 

My credit has been frozen since 2015. My husband has 2 credit cards not in use. We do not discuss or disclose financial information to our family. We do give monetary gifts in cash. Our relatives did our townhome remodel and we paid through Zelle. I am not even an authorized user on my husband's credit cards. I used it once in July 2019 for $18. We have found out that relatives are okay with being financially irresponsible if they have a continuous safety net. It's sad when family can't be trusted or act with integrity. We have experienced this on a very tiny scale.I wish all the best for safety, good health and financial health. 

I have been burned by EVERYONE in my family. NEVER lend your credit to help someone else to build their credit. Let them work at it and do it on their own. Just like I have had to do over and over. I financially fund family members' lifestyles and I have just stopped and I am waiting for the first bill to go into shut off and what they are going to say because I am done paying other people's bills when no one cares about mine. That is for sure. I won't say but I just learned the hard way about helping people. I am DONE doing it. I probably won't interact with these people for a time because they will be mad. Not sorry at all.

Nope.  If I give money, it's a gift I don't expect back and a process so intrusive as to why, how, and what, that they don;t bother ask.

There is a simple test too:

If your family finances are always jacked up and they are in their 40's or older; it's a lost cause. 

I'm fortunate:  my father was so inept with his finances, that all my siblings were financially scarred enough that they and grew up to either know how to live on a shoe string OR horde money like a squirrel hordes nuts.

 

Quote from dad, "Well after I buy beer, smokes, and lottery tickets, I barely have enough to pay the rent."

Nope.  If I give money, it's a gift I don't expect back and a process so intrusive as to why, how, and what, that they don;t bother ask.

There is a simple test too:

If your family finances are always jacked up and they are in their 40's or older; it's a lost cause. 

I'm fortunate:  my father was so inept with his finances, that all my siblings were financially scarred enough that they and grew up to either know how to live on a shoe string OR horde money like a squirrel hordes nuts.

 

Quote from dad, "Well after I buy beer, smokes, and lottery tickets, I barely have enough to pay the rent."

Quote from dad, "Well after I buy beer, smokes, and lottery tickets, I barely have enough to pay the rent."

Sounds very familiar, we have a family member who thinks we should pay for her needs after she BLOWS money on those exact same things plus her man. Seriously? I would love to quit my job and freeload off people, wonder how that would go over.

@Moore Income I’m so sorry that this happened. I hope you have some documentation that will hold the other person responsible. My apologies that I don’t have any other advice. Best of luck in getting this resolved. 


I actually have an ex-boyfriend who still owes me $2000+ from circa 2005-2006. I should’ve have taken him to small claims court, and I wonder if I still can! 

So sorry that you have been burdened with someone else's debt while trying to help them.   I trust most of my immediate family with my money.   My daughter had one of my credit cards thru college and law school that I never expected to be repaid for... she used it for about 6 months after college was over until she found a credit card on her own....   There are members that would NEVER be given access to my money as they would 1000% take advantage and would not pay their debt (they do not pay their debts now)...  

Very sorry you went through all this. // Been burned too. Husband's younger sister constantly on the edge financially and though our means were small, helped to bail her out. "Loans". Then one time we couldn't help and she blew up. So Husband told her what we made and she stopped asking. She's also hit up other family members. Her older sister died in massive debt. (She helped her often.)  Low and behold when the well went dry, she figured it out. //So most family members, no. Only a few handle money well.

wow what a great question, i do trust my son he is so much like his dad on saving money and paying all bills on time and not using credit cards unless need be, my daughter on the other hand, i co=signed for her and her husband, they do make all payments but i told them after this your on your own, i gave you a chance to build your credit up, i hope they learn their lesson

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