I have gotten a lot of support and help from complete strangers here on this site and would like to give back a little if I can. So if you are stuck at a particular part in your life trying to decide whether to go one way or another. Then please feel free to ask and I will do my best to help you with the best choices to choose from that you may simply be overlooking.

Additionally, if you are at any point in a relationship but are unsure what to do next or how to handle a common issue that interferes with maintaining a healthy relationship. Then let me try to offer some assistance. 

 There is no question to small or as I often hear a lot “ too dumb to ask about” Don’t ever feel embarrassed as I will never judge any aspect of your situation. If your stuck or having an issue that your not sure how to handle but the issue is more on the private side or if your embarrassed about an issue. Then please send me a private message if you don’t want it to be public for others to see and comment on. 

 I will do my best to answer everyone’s questions in a timely manner. EDF8C34B-F57F-4BE1-8167-AF244919E1C8

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Original Post

Good afternoon Mr. Demario,

I just came across this forum being a fairly new member to the Penny Hoarder community. I thought I'd check in on some advice. Being recently divorced (like Tues.) (he filed bc I left due to verbal/emotional abuse, manipulative, narcissistic etc. etc.) now he wants to "be friends" I've had to block his communication. Any suggestions to get the point across to him since I've already told him I don't want to be friends. 

Thanks,

 

I’m not sure if I’m doing this right or not but I prefer to send you a private message rather than airing out my dirty laundry on the Internet for everyone to see and read. I’m just a private person with not much skill in technology please tell me how I send you a private message

thank you 

Alisak posted:

I’m not sure if I’m doing this right or not but I prefer to send you a private message rather than airing out my dirty laundry on the Internet for everyone to see and read. I’m just a private person with not much skill in technology please tell me how I send you a private message

thank you 

The easiest way to my knowledge on this site is to directly click on my name. A new window doesn’t open but instead somewhat expands and shows you a brief summary of myself. Scroll down slightly and there you will see an option to start a private message with me. Any issue just let me know.

Alisak posted:
Mr. Demario posted:

In addition, please feel free to send a private message if you need advice on a sensitive subject or somthing your just not publicly opening up about for anyone to see. 

How do I send you a pm please?

The easiest way to my knowledge on this site is to directly click on my name. A new window doesn’t open but instead somewhat expands and shows you a brief summary of myself. Scroll down slightly and there you will see an option to start a private message with me. Any issue just let me know. ( I sent this in your prior message as well)

Alisak posted:

I’m not sure if I’m doing this right or not but I prefer to send you a private message rather than airing out my dirty laundry on the Internet for everyone to see and read. I’m just a private person with not much skill in technology please tell me how I send you a private message

thank you 

 I just sent you a direct private message that you will see once you come online. But if you want to learn how to navigate through this site feel free to send me a brand new private message. Either way I will contact you back once I receive your message,

 Thank You

Deborah Wilt posted:

Good afternoon Mr. Demario,

I just came across this forum being a fairly new member to the Penny Hoarder community. I thought I'd check in on some advice. Being recently divorced (like Tues.) (he filed bc I left due to verbal/emotional abuse, manipulative, narcissistic etc. etc.) now he wants to "be friends" I've had to block his communication. Any suggestions to get the point across to him since I've already told him I don't want to be friends. 

Thanks,

 

 Good afternoon Deborah,

 Thanks for reaching out, as this is very common once a relationship ends. It can also lead to additional abuse similar to what you’ve already experienced, as well as lead to more violent outbursts that you may have never seen him capable of doing in the past. As one, or both parties get to actually see how deep and meaningful the relationship impacted the functionality of their everyday life. Some may find it scary in a sense to live a life without the aspects the other person brought to the relationship. 

 With this being said, it is crucial to go into detail the best you can on various things leading up to this point. Such as, but not limiting to, what exactly has he deemed that he wanted to be “friends” for or how did you best interpret this? You stated that you have had to block incoming communications from him, but on what level? Meaning how have you verbally addressed that this is unwanted? What have been his response(s)? What types of communications have you had to block? Based on what you stated I assume he hasn’t stopped trying to communicate with you. If that’s the case, after you’ve blocked him from various ways to contact you, what has he done to ignore your attempts of blocking him and tried to get around being blocked?

 Please feel free to send me a private message if you do not want to post publicly any specific details relating to this matter. As, in addition to the questions I just asked, the more details you can open up about, the better I can offer the proper advice that you are looking for. 

 I do not have the latest statistics in front of me. But a woman or man at the end of their relationship, and following after (with woman having the highest percent) Have the highest percentage for risk of violence from their ex partner. I did not post this to scare you, but only to inform you on always protecting yourself the best way possible. I also do not mean that his additional attempts at contacting you to be “friends” is guaranteed to lead to a violent outcome. As I mentioned previously, once a relationship is over that is when, in a sense, you hit rock bottom on being able to see what truly you have lost and what this means to your current and future life. This adds credibility to the more details you can offer the better I can interpret and analyze the severity of this issue and better offer you the strategy & advice you are seeking to move on with your life as you have been trying to do.

 As I can keep breaking down the various aspects surrounding your situation. I will stop here and wait for your response to the questions I have asked, as well as any additional information you would like to ad. I am sorry for the separation of your relationship as I’m sure that like all of us, the relationship never started out in this direction nor with this end in mind. Even though you stayed strong and made the smart move to better your life, it still can be hard to lose all those years, as well as to look at the road ahead that still has to be written in your life’s story. I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you again for reaching out.

 Mr. Demario

 

Thank you Mr. Demario for getting back with me. I have told him a number of times straight up. "If we can't get along being husband and wife, I am not interested in being your friend". I have blocked him from phone and text. The thing I've discovered is that phones still take VM from blocked numbers. And yes I have responded to phone messages in hope of him returning some of my important paperwork that he's in possession of and was agreed upon to return to me via mail.

His idea of friends is to be able to get along as guy and gal friends and to talk casually about life, which I suppose suits his needs but not mine. I feel like this holds me back. He has another ex-wife that they apparently keep in touch and share their life issues with each other. I have just the other day told him to stop communicating with me. I don't know how to interpret what his real intentions may be but I'm sure based on history it has nothing to do with my best interest as he is highly manipulative. 

I had been concerned prior to leaving him if he was excelling to a more violent state. I saw more and more anger coming out. I find myself in that place of trying to figure out what life looks like without this relationship. It's not a simple matter of two becoming one and than bam gavel dropped and two just simply go back to being two. It has been hard to think about losing those years and I'm quite beside myself why change couldn't have taken place to prevent this. But I do understand it takes both people to understand and acknowledge that. 

Again, thank you for your input. I hope I've answered some or most of your questions. 

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