Is it tacky to set up a GoFundMe for your wedding?

General Discussion
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Is it rude to ask guests to help pay for your wedding instead of giving you a wedding gift? Is asking for a gift of cash instead of a physical present rude?

Wedding season is upon us, and 2022 is expected to be the busiest wedding season in recent history. And of course, weddings tend to bring up lots of tricky questions about money. Here’s a question I recently got from a reader who asked whether her niece was being tacky by setting up a GoFundMe and asking guests to contribute to her wedding instead of giving her a gift. https://www.thepennyhoarder.co…ofundme-for-wedding/

I do think that, yes, this is tacky. It seems a bit like asking guests to pay their way. More importantly, this seems like a case of someone planning a wedding they can’t afford. Your wedding budget shouldn’t be contingent on GoFundMe contributions.

However, I don’t think it’s tacky when a couple lists an option to give money in lieu of a gift on their registry, especially when it’s to help them meet a specific goal. For example, I’ve seen people give guests the option to contribute to their down payment fund or student loan payoff instead of buying a gift. I’d much rather help someone become a homeowner or pay off debt than put that money toward some silver platter that will sit around collecting dust. Plus it’s less work for me — I don’t have to do any shopping.

I do think that the GoFundMe for the wedding itself is in an entirely different category, though. That said, I’d probably contribute to the GoFundMe for the wedding in lieu of a gift. Again, it’s less work than choosing a gift.

What does everyone think? Is the niece’s request tacky? Is asking wedding guests for cash in general rude? Are there any other money-related wedding practices that you find tacky?

For example, on my mom’s side of the family, there is a deep divide about the dollar dance at weddings. My cousins on one side have always had a dollar dance at their weddings. But my cousins on the other side feel really strongly that it’s tacky. I don’t really get what the big deal is on that one. The issue for me there is that I seldom carry cash on me.

I really have no skin in this game, as wedding bells certainly are not in my future anytime soon! But it’s always interesting how many money issues that surface in the lead-up to a wedding.

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Absolutely, it’s tacky. It really is like BYOB or inviting you to a barbecue at a home and the owners charging you. It’s your event, you pay, geez. If anything, I’d rather give a gift card to a home improvement store…one of the best gifts I’ve ever received, and I’m still looking at the porcelain country sink bought many years later. Or cash is good but hold the money dance?.

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Yes in my opinion it is Very Tacky.

When I got married, I did not have much money, so we decided to get married by a Judge at a cost of $20 in the 1980’s. All we needed was at least two witnesses as per the Judge. We used his secretary and my wife’s brother. My Divorce Lawyer fees ran me over $1800.

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yes it is tacky when i got married i brought a white prom dress and we did a cook out and that was 55 years ago,

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The first wedding-which was a basic one-was funded by my parents, we were married at their home, outside, by a pastor who was not of our faith, but it did not matter. Reception followed at the same place. That marriage lasted about 20 years. My second and last marriage was at the courthouse and we are 18 years strong and still in love. Neither involved Go Fund Me. Truthfully, I don’t think it was around then.

Fast forward to today, there are no limits on how tacky people can be and it is accepted. Go fund me for a wedding, if you can’t afford to be married and take on the responsibilities of a spouse, then you are not ready for marriage.

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It drives me crazy when people who are together a long time (usually living together) say they can’t afford to get married. How much does a marriage license cost? It’s not about the wedding. It’s about the love and commitment of marriage.

And yes, I am married…50 years.

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@dboothe posted:

It drives me crazy when people who are together a long time (usually living together) say they can’t afford to get married. How much does a marriage license cost? It’s not about the wedding. It’s about the love and commitment of marriage.

And yes, I am married…50 years.

Oh yes, THIS!

Yes, a go-fund me for a wedding is tacky. To me, and I have some pretty strong feelings about this, it says you do not have your priorities straight. I know not everyone feels that way. But a fancy wedding is just a big party. if you cant afford it, don’t do it. Just head to the courthouse.

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I swear I’ve bought things off of a couples’ registry that they didn’t really need, but felt obligated to buy them something at a certain price point. I would’ve been happier giving money that I know went towards another big life purchase or buying a gift card to someplace they’d spend the money any way. That said, I’m not interested in funding the actual party I was invited to!

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Tacky! Pay for your own wedding. Get married at courthouse and have a party afterwards… save $$ on wedding attire that you will only use once and $$ by not having a BIG catered event.

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well said will i think go fund me is tacky if you can;t aford to pay for your wedding just get married

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Agree it’s tacky, @saving.shannon! We just had a small, somewhat affordable wedding with only close friends and family. Now we are working on having a proper reception/party for all our other friends and family. We don’t really want to send around a registry at this point, but we’re sure we’ll receive some gifts. And for those who must give us gifts, we’re thinking of having them doing something like having them give a little money towards a college fund for our son or even pick a charity for them to donate to…

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that’s very nice will

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Yes, very tacky. Do what you can afford, there is no shame in that. people can either come or not. I would not donate to a gofundme.

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@heather.p.albert Agree!

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i so agree if you can’t afford the wedding have a nice back yard cook out, i had this when i got married