I know that it is customary to join bank accounts after saying, “I do”…but what about for those who don’t want to? Marriage isn’t on the horizon for me anytime soon, but I am curious about how your relationship with your partner and your money changes after deciding to join forces. I have a few questions, too: Do you take on your partners debts? Does this affect your credit score? How do you justify purchases that your partner does not support?
I want to hear the good, bad, and the ugly. GO!
My husband and i have 1 bank account that has both
names on it. It is because he can’t get out so I do it for
him. I paid off a credit card he owed this month. He helps
me with my credit cards when I need help.
Bonnie Squires posted:
My husband and i have 1 bank account that has both
names on it. It is because he can’t get out so I do it for
him. I paid off a credit card he owed this month. He helps
me with my credit cards when I need help.
Thanks for sharing, Bonnie! Sounds like a great partnership! 
Yes it is all most 39 years tougher 8 kids and 5 grand kids
and 1 on the way.
My wife and I got married back in July 2018. We still have separate bank accounts but we pretty much have joint finances. We may end up combining bank accounts eventually but for now that is what has worked best.
We both tend to look at money as “our” money as in both of ours together.
Since we both have similar aspirations for our financial situation, we find that viewing it as our money is helpful in accomplishing our goals. (there is strength in numbers)
My wife didn’t have any debt when we got married, I had credit card and car loan.
We decided we would both pay off debt with the money we earned working because we paid for most of our wedding cash which meant I put a lot of money into that instead of paying off debt. (It was either go in debt for the wedding and pay off cards or vice versa)
She has always been pretty good at saving money so she does that and I invest so we are able so use each others strengths to improve our financial situation together.
When it comes to buying things, this month for example I am challenging myself not to buy myself any “extras” and I am working overtime in my second job to try and tackle as much debt as possible this month. But I have already told her that if there is anything she wants to buy or splurge on, she is free to do so with “our” money as I don’t want her to have to stress about money.
Moore Income posted:
My wife and I got married back in July 2018. We still have separate bank accounts but we pretty much have joint finances. We may end up combining bank accounts eventually but for now that is what has worked best.
We both tend to look at money as “our” money as in both of ours together.
Since we both have similar aspirations for our financial situation, we find that viewing it as our money is helpful in accomplishing our goals. (there is strength in numbers)
My wife didn’t have any debt when we got married, I had credit card and car loan.
We decided we would both pay off debt with the money we earned working because we paid for most of our wedding cash which meant I put a lot of money into that instead of paying off debt. (It was either go in debt for the wedding and pay off cards or vice versa)
She has always been pretty good at saving money so she does that and I invest so we are able so use each others strengths to improve our financial situation together.
When it comes to buying things, this month for example I am challenging myself not to buy myself any “extras” and I am working overtime in my second job to try and tackle as much debt as possible this month. But I have already told her that if there is anything she wants to buy or splurge on, she is free to do so with “our” money as I don’t want her to have to stress about money.
Hey, @moore.income! I think that is a good example of an arrangement I’d feel comfortable with in the future for myself and my partner. I like the idea of taking her strength of savings and your strength of investment knowledge to improve your finances! As always, great input from you! Thanks for sharing!
ERoberts posted:
I know that it is customary to join bank accounts after saying, “I do”…but what about for those who don’t want to? Marriage isn’t on the horizon for me anytime soon, but I am curious about how your relationship with your partner and your money changes after deciding to join forces. I have a few questions, too: Do you take on your partners debts? Does this affect your credit score? How do you justify purchases that your partner does not support?
I want to hear the good, bad, and the ugly. GO!
Honestly, it was years after marriage before we had a joint account. I was and still am in charge of the finances as I was the more responsible one. My husband was never taught how to manage his finances. He did not understand things like when you check the balance on an ATM, not only do you get charged a fee but it also is not a true depiction of the amount available as there may be pending transactions. I like to say I “managed” the finances versus “controlled” for 3 years and communicated to him how much he had available once we shared an account. I always told him we had less than we did until he started to understand the concept of budgeting. I still oversee the finances and we have one joint account, a couple joint credit cards, and the rest are separate.
It really will depend on your situation and which one of you is more fiscally responsible. Some couples choose to have a small joint account and some choose to have separate small “spending” accounts that way you feel you have freedom to buy some luxury items without feeling the wrath from your spouse.
Either way, have a discussion prior and be fully open about any financial commitments and debt before tying the knot.
FreebiePharm posted:
ERoberts posted:
I know that it is customary to join bank accounts after saying, “I do”…but what about for those who don’t want to? Marriage isn’t on the horizon for me anytime soon, but I am curious about how your relationship with your partner and your money changes after deciding to join forces. I have a few questions, too: Do you take on your partners debts? Does this affect your credit score? How do you justify purchases that your partner does not support?
I want to hear the good, bad, and the ugly. GO!
Honestly, it was years after marriage before we had a joint account. I was and still am in charge of the finances as I was the more responsible one. My husband was never taught how to manage his finances. He did not understand things like when you check the balance on an ATM, not only do you get charged a fee but it also is not a true depiction of the amount available as there may be pending transactions. I like to say I “managed” the finances versus “controlled” for 3 years and communicated to him how much he had available once we shared an account. I always told him we had less than we did until he started to understand the concept of budgeting. I still oversee the finances and we have one joint account, a couple joint credit cards, and the rest are separate.
It really will depend on your situation and which one of you is more fiscally responsible. Some couples choose to have a small joint account and some choose to have separate small “spending” accounts that way you feel you have freedom to buy some luxury items without feeling the wrath from your spouse.
Either way, have a discussion prior and be fully open about any financial commitments and debt before tying the knot.
Thanks @freebiepharm for sharing! I agree with you on how personalities and level of financial awareness play a huge role when it comes to sharing accounts. The ATM fee example is a good one when it comes to showing how small things add up not only financially, but as avoidable annoyances in your relationship itself. I like how you are conscious of your words and favor “managed” over “controlled”, as it is much less dismissive of his say in the matter. Great feedback overall! Thank you!
After almost 20 years together, we still keep our finances separate. He writes a check for his share of the house bills and takes care of all his own medical, credit cards, and personal wants. I make more more and contribute more to the house bills. I am the responsible one financially.
We were married before we had any debt so it was an easy decision for us to join accounts financially. He actually closed his account and joined with mine because the credit union I have been with since I was a child has better perks than his did.
Our entire marriage, I had been the one earning the bulk of the income until he graduated grad school and I had a baby. Now, he is the one bring in most of the money. We always discuss our finances and if there is something out of the ordinary we have to buy, we discuss that as well. It has been an easy thing to agree on, so we have been lucky in that aspect.
The important thing when it comes to finances in a relationship is communication (and a little bit of selflessness)
One of the biggest problems that constantly causes issues, especially in marriages happens to be finances.
I personally believe, in a marriage, it is best to put the other persons interest above your own and when you look at finances as “my money” vs “their money” it can cause a lot of unnecessary tension.
With the mindset my wife and I have about money (not interested so much in buying physical possessions but using it as a tool), combining our money together just makes more sense.
I think that combining your finances into one is a good measure of the trust in a relationship.
But there are situations in which one partner is better at handling them than the other and I think this are things that should be discussed and handled appropriately.
Failing to communicate these things or to discuss certain financial transactions or difficulties is where things can really start to go south.
With that I say, do what you think is best with your finances, but be open and communicate your decisions with each other and make sure both parties agree with the decisions that are made.
@moore.income so very true. my husband and i
have all ways said its our money. We all ways talk
about what we are going to buy before we buy it
no matter if its a small item or a big one.
When I was married, we had a joint account, and individual accounts. The income from our FT jobs went to the joint, and we kept our side jobs/gift/etc in our own accounts. At different times, we each paid the bills. I was better at managing the money, but got frustrated since we did not have the same outlook on it. So I’d give it to him to budget, that was he could see what we had left after all he spent. Money was not the cause of our divorce, but money in the marriage was EXTREMELY frustrating.
As a single woman (and parent), it was a relief to just be responsible for my own income and bills and expenses. I love it. There is no money going out that I do not have control over.
After 8 years, I am getting ready to marry again, and money has been a talking point since very early on. We are both savers, and don’t spend what we don’t have. Its wonderful to be on the same page. Right now we share a savings account, and will have a joint account when we marry. I won’t hesitate to join accounts with him- communication is so important!
KellyFromKeene posted:
After 8 years, I am getting ready to marry again, and money has been a talking point since very early on. We are both savers, and don’t spend what we don’t have. Its wonderful to be on the same page. Right now we share a savings account, and will have a joint account when we marry. I won’t hesitate to join accounts with him- communication is so important!
Congratulations on your engagement! Finances are such a pain but I’m so glad you and your partner have figured it out!
Oh, thank you Kirsten Cherry!!!
My partner of 29 years and I have always maintained separate finances. And we fight a lot about it…meaning we both grab the check at dinner and insist it’s our turn to pay. We both have had equally rewarding careers financially so there was very little disparity in income. And both of us were self-employed so when one of us was having a slow time, the other jumped right in to help with money flow. Both of us have been divorced and I think that had a great bearing on my decision to keep money separate when we got together. I was constantly under my ex’s radar about every penny spent when he was the main breadwinner. It was so annoying to me (a very conservative spender) that I went to work after our kids started school so I could have “my own” money without being under a microscope. With my new partner, because we are not married and have no children with each other, there are many more issues to be worked out because we are not protected by statutes concerning the division of assets if we separate or upon death of one of us. We sought legal advice and took steps to make sure each of us and our heirs are protected and taken care of. Separate accounts can be stipulated with TOD (Transfer on Death) riders that avoid probate.
That said, it’s worked fantastically for us. It definitely helps if both partners are on the same wave length about finances. We are both very conservative spenders and feel our retirement incomes are the #1 focuses for us. All kidding aside about “fighting” over money, we find ourselves being very generous towards each other financially instead of money being an issue between us. Even if married couples have joint accounts, I believe it’s healthy to have one’s own money for a safety valve…emergency, divorce, death…or mad money.
We have a joint account & have been married for 17yrs. For the last 10yrs, I have been a stay-at-home parent. We have a credit union account, so it is like an umbrella with many different accounts under the main number. We both have our own spending accounts with monthly allotments to spend how we choose & we have our own little accounts with money given to us for birthday, Christmas, etc to also spend as we wish. It works for us. I look after the day to day finances & we communicate regularly on bills & balances.
@mintjulep says it best, that you ensure you have ‘right of survivorship’, ‘beneficiaries’, etc laid out if you have separate accounts. My husband’s 1st pension had his mother as the beneficiary & even though we filled out the paperwork to have it changed, it took many attempts & 5yrs to get it changed!
Shannon H posted:
After almost 20 years together, we still keep our finances separate. He writes a check for his share of the house bills and takes care of all his own medical, credit cards, and personal wants. I make more more and contribute more to the house bills. I am the responsible one financially.
I think you have a great understanding @shannon.h. And I’m not entirely surprised by you being the “Responsible” one. Us boys tend to be a little more reckless most times. You know the saying “Men are separated from boys, by the price of their toys”. Which is where I fit in perfectly…lol!
