Has anyone ever gotten a truly ridiculous request for money? If so, how did you respond? Did you recognize how ridiculous the request was at the time? Or did you somehow convince yourself that it was reasonable back then?
That was the topic of a letter I answered this week: https://www.thepennyhoarder.co…my-boyfriends-bills/ The letter writer stays with her boyfriend on weekends, so the boyfriend asked her to start paying his utility bills. She’s already driving an hour each way to visit. When she visits, she buys groceries, cleans his house, takes care of his dogs, and pays for half of everything.
To an objective person, this request is clearly ridiculous. She’s spending way more on gas and car expenses than whatever tiny amount she may be adding to his water and electric bills. But at the same time, I get how easily a relationship can cloud your judgment.
One really ridiculous request I got for money came years ago from my now-ex. We were on our way to my aunt’s house for Easter. He got a speeding ticket. He told me I should pay half because we were going to visit my family.
I wish I could say that I put my foot down. That I cut through his nonsense. That I told him he was being ridiculous. But no. I didn’t want to argue. So I gave in and paid half of his speeding ticket. Like the letter writer, I was also driving an hour each way to see my boyfriend. Then I’d help him out by cooking and taking care of his dogs.
If I’d called him out and refused, he probably would have sulked some. He definitely wouldn’t have ended the relationship. But by trying to avoid conflict, I actually prolonged it. I sent him a clear message that I was willing to make his problems my own, and that pattern only continued.
I’ve gotten better about saying no, though I’m still not perfect. But if any future partner asks me to pay half of his speeding ticket or take over his utility bills? Hard pass!
If you’ve ever gotten a ridiculous request for money, please share!
Well, nothing as dramatic as the above story.I was the person one of my sons used “dry begging” on, I fell for it for awhile and then learned how to become deaf to it.
My husband’s son was much more cleaver than my son, his was an indirect approach. He wanted to go to college in the county where we live and he lives in the city, so that means higher tuition because he is not a county resident. He has the same name as my husband, so we said ok to use our address to register, etc. He went to college there and quit, so the student loan bills are coming to us, what a pesky problem. We gave him his bills when we saw him, even sent them to his residence and requested he contact the loan people to let them know where to send the bills. After at least a year of him not following through with this change of address, he finally did. I have to admit I leaned on my husband to have his son fix this. Then the account went into collections and here come the phone calls at all hours. The collection agents look at the name and address and can find our phone number. We should have said “no way”, guess you know what they say about hindsight. The refusal would have caused a major rift and I am sure he would have blamed us for not being there for him and supporting his furthering his education.
When I read that letter, I was happy to see Dear Penny’s response. Unfortunately, there are guys who take advantage of us. Yes, sometimes our heads are clouded and we think with our hearts, feel sorry for them and give in. Lots of lessons learned here!
Years ago, I fell for someone who was charming, older (which I thought would make him more mature) and a leader in the local community. He revealed that he got a DUI before we started dating. He lost his job (which required driving), and put him in a financial bind. He started side jobs and a new job in a new field, but it took time to build his client base. Meanwhile, he asked me money for gas and his licensing renewal. He borrowed and still has my laptop. He was on my cell phone plan. I had to remind him not to go over the minutes (this was before unlimited minutes), but the bill keep racking up. I should’ve cut off his phone and suck it up with the cancellation fees. He kept promising he’d pay me back. At the end of the relationship, he owed me $2000+ and still has yet to pay me back in full. He only paid a couple hundred here and there. I asked him to use a check from his credit card, but he said he wasn’t able to. I should’ve taken him to small claims court but it was so long ago. He must still have horrible credit.
If you want to see an extreme case - check out the documentary on Netflix, The Tinder Swindler.
Our county doesn’t have a community college so if we want to go to the neighboring county where they have a community college we just have to prove where we live and we get in-county tuition for that county. Years ago an ex took out a loan and used my name as a reference then didn’t pay the loan and I got phone calls from the bank asking about him. He had taken money from me so I told the bank when they get in touch with him to tell him to pay me back as well! Lol I’m sure you know how that turned out!!
When I read that letter, I was happy to see Dear Penny’s response. Unfortunately, there are guys who take advantage of us. Yes, sometimes our heads are clouded and we think with our hearts, feel sorry for them and give in. Lots of lessons learned here!
Years ago, I fell for someone who was charming, older (which I thought would make him more mature) and a leader in the local community. He revealed that he got a DUI before we started dating. He lost his job (which required driving), and put him in a financial bind. He started side jobs and a new job in a new field, but it took time to build his client base. Meanwhile, he asked me money for gas and his licensing renewal. He borrowed and still has my laptop. He was on my cell phone plan. I had to remind him not to go over the minutes (this was before unlimited minutes), but the bill keep racking up. I should’ve cut off his phone and suck it up with the cancellation fees. He kept promising he’d pay me back. At the end of the relationship, he owed me $2000+ and still has yet to pay me back in full. He only paid a couple hundred here and there. I asked him to use a check from his credit card, but he said he wasn’t able to. I should’ve taken him to small claims court but it was so long ago. He must still have horrible credit.
If you want to see an extreme case - check out the documentary on Netflix, The Tinder Swindler.
I saw the Tinder Swindler, and the sad thing is he’s still at it. He was in jail for like 5 months, and seems to be back in Israel, from what I gathered.
I also had an ex that owed me around $2,000. He was a complete moron, and I never should have dated him. He was going through bankruptcy when I met him, and I had to cover his dog’s surgery, which was around $2,000. There was no way he could pay, and I wanted his dog to be okay.
I checked with his sister, and apparently the family hasn’t heard from him in 2 years, so maybe he’s homeless? I’m just glad he’s gone.
