Advice needed, we have a man who is disabled and collecting disability who does handyman work, but rarely to completion. He has been turned in (not by us) and had his disability compensation cut off. Also at his apt, his live-in gf has a bff-also female who is disruptive and basically responsible for food stamps being discontinued. The gf won’t have her leave, the bff ran up the utility bills beyond belief, about $1,000 that he had to pay by selling his motorcycle. Lots of drama, to say the least. Always an excuse on why no one can work. No car. There are jobs around that can be walked to, but he wants to work under the radar with cash jobs.
So here he comes up our driveway asking for food for his family, we chose to give him a care package to help, and keep in mind there is never a thank you, just a you can drop it off at the house. We don’t want to be rescuers or enablers, it is too easy to get backed into that role.
Advice please.
Someone on SSDI can work and receive up to $1470 per month gross without losing benefits. If he is working more than that and still claiming disability, he might be able to enroll in the ticket to work program to find other employment that could accommodate his disability. If it were me, I’d point him towards other resources in the community that are better equipped to help rather than try doing too much on my own. There are likely food banks he could visit for help with groceries, nonprofits available to help with energy assistance, maybe even pro bono legal assistance to help with his SSDI troubles. If he knows where to find that help and chooses not to utilize those resources, I don’t believe that responsibility should fall on you.
i think you need to turn away they are able to work and get the help they need your a kind caring person being taken advanced of
If you feel compelled to help, have him do a job for you (to completion) and you’ll “pay” him in a bag of food. If he’s not willing to work, you can say no thank you. No you don’t have to drop it off.
I agree with you. If he can ride a motorcycle, he can certainly do some type of job. If they can get food for free why would they want to work?
I am conflicted about this. I probably would give him one more care package and tell him this is the last one. And please don’t ask me for anything else. I would do it in a pleasant mood 
. End it after that. I know it’s easy to say and hard to do. I wish you luck with this problem.
That actually sounds like a really good idea. It would be interesting to know how many other people this guy is hitting up for free stuff.
I would do a few things. IF you can spare a ‘care package of food’, then I might give him one. I would also give him the number (although I imagine that he knows it already) of the local food pantry. In addition, if he does handyman work, he should not be paid until it is completed.
People do need to be motivated to help themselves. Of course not every disability is obvious, and if you think these roommates are taking advantage of him financially, I would call your local Adult Protective number to report financial exploitation. Sometimes that investigation is just what people need to stop mooching off the person who is disabled and move on.
If that’s not the case, he needs to prioritize his own well-being over the two women, and live on his own. And that is his choice. Or if he is the lease holder of the rental, he (or the landlord, depends on the state) can get a no-trespass order on the BFF so she cannot enter the apartment. Or if she does, he can call the police.
It’s hard for people to make themselves a priority sometimes. I imagine that he loves his GF and knows she wants to help her BFF. However, he won’t be of much help if he can’t afford to eat or to live there.
Also, I know Adult Protective sounds like a big leap, but if there are concerns about the well-being of an elderly or disabled person, make the call. You do not have to investigate first, that’s their job. If he is going around basically asking for food to feed the family, then there is a problem.
OK, so I let my Social Worker self emerge for this post. I’ll get off my soapbox now 
